Okay, I have had just about enough of this. Obama's poll numbers are getting stronger and stronger ever since that Iowa fiasco. What are you people thinking? I was supposed to walk away with this goddamned nomination without any serious opposition. I didn't even know there were any blacks in Iowa until a few weeks ago. How the hell did he pull that off?
I mean, sure, he's an attractive black man (or whatever kind of Kenyan blend he is), he's capable of giving a rousing speech, his platform is clear, and his positions are rational. But what the hell does any of that have to do with being President?! Just because I let my emotions get the best of me and I scream like Howard Dean sometimes doesn't mean I'm crazy like he is. And just because my voting record in the senate has been carefully choreographed to ensure that you can't understand what I really think doesn't mean that my agenda isn't good for America. I mean, come on people! If you want a socialist nation, I am a MUCH better choice than Obama. I have been methodically planning the future of the United Socialist States of America (USSA) since this friggin' upstart was in diapers (literally). I knew more about how to achieve a radical change in government than Obama does back when I was in college deifying the work of Saul Alinsky!
Okay. I need to take a deep breath. Sorry. My head was about to start spinning like Linda Blair's in the Exorcist. Oh wait. You youngster Obama supporters won't even know what the Exorcist is. Well, it was about this girl, and she was possessed by the devil ... uh ... oh, well never mind (click here if you want to buy a tshirt with a picture of me on the front and a message to all of my opponents on the back).
Let me just say this. Vote for me, New Hampshire. Or you will live to regret it.
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