I Am Not Satan

There are some right wing conspiracy whacko talk radio guys out there that have asserted that I am Satan ... or in other cases that I am the Anti-Christ. Allow me to address these accusations separately.

First, in regard to the accusation that I am Satan. This is simply absurd. Does anyone think that Satan, with the nearly unlimited power that he no doubt has, would choose to house himself in a body like mine? Or even more ridiculous, that he would take Bill as his spouse and lover? Come on! Satan would no doubt surround himself with a daily supply of nubile virgins. And I can tell you that if I WAS Satan, that this big booty I lug around everyday would be a lot smaller.

Second ... me the Anti-Christ? For starters, I have absolutely no interest in rebuilding the Temple of Solomon. What the HELL would I do with that? In fact, when I am elected I will ramp down US support of Israel, befriend Iran, and immediately pull all troops from Iraq. I fully expect that Arabs will overrun Israel like white on rice before 2010 (just some subliminal race baiting for those of you who were not paying attention). And that is just fine with me. After raising taxes, eliminating all incentive for economic success, and accelerating the country's demise into a third world power, I will be seen as a hero when I become an ally of Hezbollah.

Now, having said all of that, I do NOT deny that the big man down below may smile a bit on my candidacy. I think that might be part of the reason that I whooped up so bad on Obama in Las Vegas. If I hadn't won the gamblers and prostitutes voting block I just might have lost in Nevada. It was a real squeaker!