The Great 2008

I shore do hope ya'll have a great 2008! 'Lectin me to the office of prezdent will go a long way toward that ... (just practicing my accent in preparation for the South Carolina primary later this month. I guess at this point I would be wasting my precious time courting those ass-backwards Iowans or those libertarian freaks in New Hampshire).

But let me get down to business. I have launched this blogsite today because I know that all of my fans ... I mean all of America's voters ... are just tired of the B.S. And this site is dedicated to the cold hard truth. That is my promise to you. When you read this site as we progress into the frenzy of this 2008 election, you can come here for facts ... for honesty ... and most of all, you can come here for insights into my innermost thoughts, insecurities, and brilliant insights about why this great country should take its rightful place in history by evolving into the United Socialist States of America (USSA). As the small number of you with an intellect and education one half as sophisticated as mine will know, my views on this topic essentially mirror those of Karl Marx, pitting me directly against capitalism and every other value that has to date made this country great. For those of you who kind of squinted your eyes and struggled to fight your way through the previous sentence ... just trust me. I plan to take money from the rich people and give it to you.

So with that as a platform to build on for the rest of the year, let's tackle an issue that is out there right now. The right wing conspiracy guys are at it again. They are out there trying to scare you by telling you that I don't have the experience that is needed to run the United States government. Well let me just take that head on - they are absolutely right, and it scares the crap out of me. It makes me so stressed that I have been eating chocolate for months. Which is probably evident to all of you as my ass approaches a size sufficient to make it one of the top twenty economies of the world. But I say Big F'n Deal. My lying cheating husband is even more of a dishonest crook than I will ever be, and look what he was able to do. And who else will you so-called voters put into this office? Let's see ... here are your realistic choices: A black democrat, a southern wussy boy democrat, a Mormon republican, or a former mayor who makes my husband look like a choir boy. So yeah ... I am about as unqualified as they come, but what else are you going to do? And besides, lack of experience has never stopped you knuckleheads before, so why should it now? I say we might as well have a woman with a big booty. Bring on the chocolate.